The Infinite Dial

Jeff Schmidt wonders if radio station execs have jumped the shark with all the dull-sounding-male names for Adult Hits stations. I can't disagree with him there--while "Jack" has a certain edge to it (anyone else remember the hugely popular You Don't Know Jack trivia games?), Bob kinda makes me think of this, which didn't fare too well.

Names can be invested with a lot of character. My wife, Miriam, is always telling me that her name will probably go the way of the dodo soon, but it's certainly no Mildred, or Hattie! Name a station Mildred, and you can almost hear it in your head (but you won't like it). Name it "Jane," however, and you aren't quite so sure (apologies to the Janes out there, be ye Russells or Does).

Satellite Radio isn't immune, either, with its Freds and Ethels. While Ethel has a fairly pure connotation (and it isn't alternative rock, either, XM), Fred has too many potential contexts to be considered a 'great' name. (Durst? Flintstone? Schneider? MacMurray? that Basset Hound?) What is a great name? Well, it should instantly convey to its target demographic the values of the brand. I think "Jack" does that, but I am not so sure about Doug, who stole my date to the prom and now works at a hardware store.

Now, you may not be able to name your station 'Oprah,' or 'Madonna,' but I bet we can do better. So, I cracked open my baby name book, crossed out the Harolds and Beatrices, and came up with a few random suggestions--see if you can hear these in your head:

• Kylie
• Zoe
• Zack
• Brooklyn (I know--I am a Beckham fan...)
• Homer (for an edgy sports station!)
• Duff (aahhhh....my old friend, beer....)
• Charlene (who could be a Country chic, but has also been to Nice, and the Isle of Greece)

and of course, my favorite Tom Waits lyric/Beautiful Music station,


• Creampuff Casper Milquetoast